There is no doubt that divorce is hard on the entire family. Parents are in an even harder spot than those without kids because not only do they have their own feelings to content with, but they also have the feelings of their children. If you are a parent going through a divorce, it is essential you give special consideration to how divorce is going to change things. Here are a few ways in which life may look different for you, and your kids, in the future. 

You May Have to Ask Permission to Do Things

Most parents share custody of their children, at least to some degree. Parents often have to split where the kids live, child support to help cover the type of lifestyle the kids are used to, and even sharing the decision-making portion of parenting. Where you used to be able to just make up your mind and do something fun, that may no longer be the case. 

For example, let’s say you reside in Portland but have plans to take your child to Mt. St. Helen’s for a weekend. While with your spouse, you could decide to pack up and go. Now, that may not be possible. According to Andrew Newsom, a Portland divorce attorney with Gearing Rackner & McGrath, you need to ensure that you are within your rights to do so. Some divorces come with a mileage range and you need to remain in that range or get permission first.  

You May Need to Bring Along Extra ID to Travel

Many parents travel with their children. They go across the US or even around the world to show their children the sites while educating them about other cultures. If you are the child’s mother, you may need to travel differently after a divorce. There are some airlines that make you bring a copy of your child’s birth certificate or divorce decree with you now if you resumed using your maiden name. Even though it may be inconvenient, just remember, it is there to protect your child.

Your Children Need a Safe Way to Process Their Feelings

While the splitting up of your life and household may be difficult for you, it is totally upending for your child. You need to provide ways for them to process how they feel. Many children feel hurt, angry, and worried about what the future will hold. These are all normal. Many parents find success in giving their children a space to be able to open up and talk freely. This lets children express what they feel without the traditional worries of saying the wrong thing. 

Just remember to not take how they feel personally. Kids go through a myriad of emotions without always understanding the long-term effects of those emotions. Teach them that it is safe to feel, and they will be able to adjust more successfully. What they need most is to know that despite how they feel, both parents still love and treasure them and that will never change. 

Family Therapy is Not a Bad Idea

Even if there is zero chance of reconciliation, therapy for everyone in the family may be helpful. It can help people communicate more effectively, plus it can help kids see where they fit in. One area that kids often struggle with when it comes to divorces is seeing their role. They are not always able to communicate that this process worries them. By giving them someone neutral who can help them phrase things more effectively, they can share their feelings and feel more involved. It can also help both parents communicate without as many arguments. 

The Needs of Your Child Come First

No matter what is going on with you and your ex-spouse, your child or children must come first. They should not ever be put in the middle of anything that you two are struggling with. You both love them equally and they need equal support from both of you to be successful in life. If there is an argument going on, when the kids are around, call a truce. Do not pass along any messages of any importance through your children. Just make sure that you put what the kids need before anything else. The sooner this can be established, the better off the children will be. 

Divorce is not easy for anyone. However, when you follow the rules and keep the kids as the primary focus, it can be easier. Even if the divorce was not your idea, it is not the fault of the kids. So, be their advocate and make sure you always do what will help them the most.