Divorces are never easy, and in many cases, they can get ugly. Ending your marriage is not a decision to be taken lightly. No matter what your reasons are for contemplating divorce, you need to make sure that your judgment isn’t clouded by your emotions. As with any major life decision, you have to think long and hard before filing for divorce to avoid any regrets down the line.

While every situation is different, there are a few clear-cut signs that tell you it’s time to change your relationship status from “married” to “single.” To make sure it’s the right decision, start by answering these essential questions.

Did you Exert All Efforts to Repair the Relationship?

If you’re unhappy with the current state of your marriage, you should communicate your feelings to your spouse to try and identify the main conflict points in your relationship. Open and honest communication is key to the survival of any relationship.

Many couples complain about the lack of meaningful communication after several years of marriage, where most conversations are usually centered around work, chores, and children. Improving your communication can help you rekindle the flame. If your partner is willing to listen, consider talking to a couples counselor to help you work through your marital problems.

On the other hand, if you can’t open up to your spouse for any reason, then it might be a good idea for you to see a therapist. They can help you determine whether you’re simply going through a rough patch or if ending your marriage is the best option for you.

Through therapy, you might discover that your personal issues are affecting your relationship. Addressing the root cause of your unhappiness and working on yourself will help you grow both as an individual and spouse. However, if you exert all efforts and still hit a dead end, then perhaps getting a divorce is the only way to move forward.

Where Does Your Spouse Stand?

Resolving a marital problem requires the participation of both partners. You need to take a deep look at your relationship and ask yourself: what does my spouse bring to the table? If you don’t feel supported or appreciated by your partner, this can put a huge dent in your marriage.

If you’ve tried to communicate with your spouse, but they refused to acknowledge or validate your feelings, or if they blamed you instead, then this should be a definitive sign that divorce might be a better alternative for you.

This is a form of psychological manipulation called gaslighting, where your partner tries to instill doubt in you to get you to question your own memory, judgment, perception, and even sanity. It’s not always easy to spot, but if you find yourself living with a cold partner who minimizes or denies that there’s anything amiss with their behavior, then parting ways is probably the right decision. Unless you feel that you’re in a balanced relationship with equal give and take, then you’re better off alone.

Do you Feel Safe at Home?

Leaving an abusive relationship, especially a long-term one, is not as easy as it may seem. If you’re trying to decide whether or not you should walk away, you may be feeling confused, scared, and torn. You could still be hoping that your partner will change, or you might be afraid of how they would react if they discover that you’re thinking about filing for divorce.

Maybe you blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed because you didn’t leave the first time it happened. Abuse is not only limited to physical violence; emotional and mental abuse can also affect your wellbeing.

The latter type can be hard to identify, but there are some red flags that can help you determine whether or not you’re in an emotionally or mentally abusive relationship. Some of the most common warnings include codependency, emotional neglect, obsessive jealousy, humiliation, etc.

Physical, mental, and emotional abuse is never excusable. If you feel unsafe or threatened in any way, you should file for divorce. If you’re not in immediate danger, you can create a safety plan first so you would know what to do after you leave. However, if you or your children are in danger, file a restraining order and consult a lawyer immediately to obtain a court order for custody.

If, after answering the above questions, you decided that divorce is your best option, make sure you’re prepared for what lies ahead. This may include securing your bank accounts, protecting your assets, and fighting for custody of your children if you have any. So, get your finances and documents in order and talk to a specialized family law attorney to start the process.

For the sake of all parties involved (namely, you and your kids), try your best to plan a decent, non-destructive divorce. Finally, keep in mind that, regardless of how you choose to proceed, taking care of yourself should be a priority. After all, you can’t expect to fight for your marriage or your rights unless you’re physically and mentally okay.